God of our own design

Yes the love of God should make a difference in my life. Yes, I struggle to believe that he could love me, since he knows me so well. Yes, I have a warped perspective.
What exactly do I suppose the love of God should look like in my life? What exactly do I want it to be for me? Do I want God's love to make me feel good? To make me happy? To make my journey on earth a little (or a lot) less unpleasant? Yes , yes, and yes. But should I? No, no, and no. I cannot make the love of God what I want it to be. He is love. So what his love is to me is what he is to me. Who he is to me. Who he is period. I cannot change him or I make another god and break the first of the 10 commandments. And this my friends is what I believe has lulled the American Church (perhaps I should say Western church) into our present pitiful coma. We are not asleep. We are on life support. Our false teachers and our insatiable desire for comfortable lifestyles keep the monitor bleeping out false signs of life. We have made God into the image we want him to be. We make bold and incredible statements of idolatry when we grant God only certain of his attributes to fit our comfort level. What Jesus has become to us is like the child's toy, Mr. Potato Head. "I like him without the glasses. I like his nose on top of his head. I like him with ears where his arms should be. Ha-ha. Isn't this fun." Because we can't reconcile God's love with our own suffering then we make him out to be something other than he is. And in reality the full expression of his love is lost on us. Yes God loves us! That is the very essence of the Gospel! Why else did he send his son? To save a disgusting, wretched, despicable people from disgusting, wretched, despicable sins because he loves us! So this is the difference the love of God makes in my life. That I yield myself to all of his workings so that his love can transform me. Not that his love makes me cozy. Not that his love is about making me happy. Filled with Joy unspeakable yes, happy, well...no. And so I am confused about his love. If you love someone don't you want to make them happy? Don't you want to make all the bad things go away for them? And what really is making me confused is my limited perspective. I have believed the lie that this life is about a loving God, who has a wonderful plan for my life (no martydom here!), making me wealthy, confident, happy, without any ailment of any sort and well...just plain "blessed". What I have forgotten is that nothing I will ever need is outside of Christ and what he has done on the cross. "For what is your life? It is but a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away" (James 4:14b) If I forget who I am (a vapor) and make God into a lie ("my jesus wouldn't do that"), then I am left depraved and hungry. Ever searching, never satisfied, believing God's love is about my present comfort, my personal finances, my health, my marriage, my this, my that...my, my, my. God's love is about the forgiveness of my many, many gross and unlovely sins. God's love is about making a people who are conformed to the image of his son. God in all his wrath, in all his mercy, in all he severity, in all is grace. God who receives some to heaven and sends more to hell. God who gives and God who takes away. He is not made according to my design and he never will be. So I must understand who he really is if I want his love to truly make a difference in my life.